No FOMO: Stop This Semester’s Lingering Fear of Missing Out
Workshops, meetings, hangouts, birthdays – you name it, there will be something going on this weekend that you just have to go to. Should I skip breakfast to make that PsychTalk? How many professional development workshops can I squeeze into my school week? Regardless of whether you are entering your first year of college life or finishing up the final year of your PhD studies, the fear of missing out (better known as “fomo”) can be a serious challenge. It’s sort of the social equivalent of opening up your email to find an inbox full of red exclamation points – everything is so relevant, so important, that it can leave you feeling frantic and unable to decide where to allocate your time. Sometimes it can also lead to a crushing sense of inferiority or despair as it always seems like the people around us have time enough for all the social activities that we can’t seem to squeeze in. But fear not – you are not alone in this dilemma, and every one of your fellow socialites is likely to be feeling the same dread of fomo.
So what can you do if you find yourself faced by six chapters, two essays, peer mentor kickoff, and a handful of other social and professional time demands this fall? Here are a few guidelines to help you navigate the social avalanche of those first few anxiety-inducing months of school.
1. Make sure to get enough rest.
Yeah, yeah, I know – that party is just too good to pass up. And a lot of times they can have valuable networking opportunities, too. But by jumping into every event, it can create an intense drain on your resources and throw you off balance if you are still adjusting to a new school environment and schedule. Go to the party, just make sure you get back with plenty of time to get in a decent night’s sleep. Alternatively, attending a few less parties (maybe just the really juicy networking opportunities) can help you to stay rested and on top while still making an appearance. You want to make sure that you last the semester! If you really must sacrifice a significant amount of your sleep for a really awesome event (it happens) try to give yourself the time to rest up a little more than usual the following day. Coconut water is a great way to replenish electrolytes lost by dancing or alcohol intake. Just make sure that if you plan on drinking, you have a designated driver to bring you home safely!
2. Kill two birds.
Try to merge some activities together – for instance, maybe you wanted to work out a few times a week but it’s been cutting into your social life; rather than cut either, you could invite your pals to hang out during a workout, and grab lunch together afterwards. This can also work with combining networking with studies: I can’t stress enough the helpfulness of forming a study group early on, especially for grad students. Pick out a few classmates who you feel are capable and with whom you would be interested in developing a closer relationship (I’d stick with four of five tops). This can be a bit intimidating, but a little pain now can save you a tremendous amount of time and effort in the long run. Divvy up the readings into manageable portions and post brief notes and takeaways on a shared google drive, then throw in a 45 minute debriefing sometime during the week to save yourself hours of work. Besides, come exam week, you’ll have a neat little collection of notes to study from.
3. Prioritize.
Depth and breadth are both important crafting a good University experience. Make a list of what you would like to get out of your time at your University – maybe it looks like “build my network, improve my health, do well in school, and develop some really close friends.” Pick out the top three or four you have and be sure to make these your priorities when it comes to decision making. Also, by taking a closer look at what you would like to spend your time doing, you can more easily distribute your activities. If you find you have been spending the majority of your weekend networking at professional development events, look to where you might bring in some balance in your other categories; in this case, maybe meet up with a friend for lunch.
4. Relax.
Remember that everyone around you is also struggling to stay on top of their social calendar! You’re not crazy for feeling overwhelmed; you’re not lazy for not being able to make every single activity. You can help release tension about the whole experience by being decisive about how you spend your time. If your gut feels like an event is the right choice, go for it. Rather than spend the time worrying if you’ve made the right decision, if you should have done something else, if there might be something that you must be missing, try to refocus your attention entirely on the event at hand. Make a conscious choice and commit to it, rather than constantly second guessing yourself. This will help you to feel less panicked or unsure of yourself in choosing future events to attend (it’s a practice to trust your gut!). If you do end up at an event you feel is REALLY a waste of time, you can do one of two things: you can excuse yourself from the event or you can shift your perception of the event to fit another priority that you have. For example, you may have gone into a workshop hoping to learn a good deal about a new topic to develop your interests, but you find it painfully boring. You might instead shift your outlook on the experience from being an academic development activity to a networking opportunity, or even a chance to practice simply focusing on your breathing.
Fomo can be a terrifying experience that leads to feeling lost, frazzled, and at the mercy of the social network gods. But it doesn’t have to dominate your semester! By getting enough rest, prioritizing and combining activities where you can, and just remembering to trust yourself, you can take back some of that control and feel more confident that you are using your time wisely – effectively curbing that fear of missing out.
Happy studies!
Adam